Relationship –I

It’s another day … business as usual! Petty backbiting, mocking, all kinds of verbal barb and arrows. Well, if that brings them a little contentment in life...everyone to their own taste!

But seriously, what makes them do it? Can they really be contented that way? More pointedly, how could a couple that had reached such great heights slip back overnight?

It all boils down to a critical three-letter word.

We call it the sense of self or EGO,

I will freely admit that my Ego has led me astray more times than I can count. Each time I've faced my Ego directly, however, I've been able to put it in its place, although over the years it has changed shape.

Is the self really so bad? Not always. If by "ego" we mean "self-esteem", it's indispensable. Many people say that we can't start to love others until we love ourselves first. That's perfectly true - IF we're talking about the right kind of self-love.

But if my Ego means my needs, my honor, my sensitivities, always come first (and probably middle and last), boy, we're playing with fire!

Sure, Alpha loves Beta, and Beta loves Alpha. Always did, always will. If one would disappear from the other's life, he or she would know all about it!

The problem, not surprisingly, is that constantly demanding companion, Ego, although, it would have us believe that any problems are caused by the other person's ego. It encourages us to think, "I wouldn't feel so defensive and so misunderstood if he were just willing to see his blind spots, or if she were just willing to admit my point of view is valid." Our Ego doesn't encourage us to say, "Maybe we could have solved this disagreement if only I were more open to seeing my blind spots, or only if I could admit that the other person has a valid point."

The Ego is only doing its job, of course, which is to give us a sense of self and protect us from pain. It has decided that we can only feel good about ourselves if we think we are right. It has also decided that it's much less painful to see other people as defensive than it is to examine what we might have done that caused them to feel that way. It is easier to claim that someone doesn't understand us than it is to examine what we might have said that contributed to any misunderstanding. After all, we assume we have perfectly logical reasons for our opinions. We fail to understand that the other person might have equally good reasons for believing otherwise.

It may be difficult to admit we aren't as open to learning as we could be. But when we're willing to set aside the assumption that the other person is automatically wrong, we are more pertinent to reach a finale that is satisfying to both of us.