Close up or close in

I woke up today and thought I fucking hated myself. Maybe I do. OK.

Maybe sometimes I do.

I do stupid things at times, for the sole purpose of releasing my thoughts.

Not thinking of others. Sometimes I write?. And when I read it back?..

Words are missing from my thoughts. Were they the most important? Maybe they were just words and I have no skills.

My latest twisted thoughts poured out of me last night. I thought about what the fuck next. I can realize any goal I want. Maybe I sold my soul with out knowing. Sometimes the dice just always come up sevens. Solitare is my game. Sometimes I play the slots?.. But you never win there. I would take the time to explain that now. Later it may be revealed.

A random thought as this cursor blinks. No. Yes. Why didn?t I buy vodka today.

So many god damned people, write their sappy thoughts all over. I get sick on the regurgitated crap. I feel. I love. I want. I realized. I cried. I loved.

I ache. ?

I write.

I want to take everything in my place and destroy it?? no real reason, and I know I won?t?. cause what happens when I have to flip to Aaaj Tak for the latest lie? Hmmmm, a political stance he is taking you ask(A murder or a political game )? Nope, just an observation. No one knows. Well I think I met one guy who does. He blames it on the alcohol. Look them up.

I just lit a smoke?. My lungs ache? but the calm feels nice. I need a reprise maybe. A smoke free day. What pleasure will it bring? Unless pain is pleasure. Not my stance though.

I wondered why I allow myself to be ?.

To be me.

Too fucking nice maybe? Too fucking cranky? Too Fucking happy? Too full of thoughts? Too fucking fucked.

Then I wonder why spell check finds no errors with the term? fucking fucked?

All in all,

Things are ok?..

I work for love and love for work.

I eat for love and love to eat.

I yearn for love and love I yearn..

I woke up today, and figured some shit out?